Replay…

Hey! “What on earth is this, youask?” I’m glad you asked. It’s actually astereo… turntable… record player, whatever you choose tocall it. But this is a photo similar to the one my Momma and Daddy had in our living room back in the 70’s (I say 70s because I was born in ’68… I’m sure they had it much longer). It bubbles upso many good memorieswithin me.

My momma always loved to listen to music (not so much anymore).Back in the day shewould pick a record over a TV show anytime… unless it was her “Soaps”. For those of you don’t know what I’m talking about when I say“soaps,” let me just say that soaps werenotjust for washingour bodies.It wasalso what housewives referred to as“soap operas” which were huge during that era. Mom’s favorite wasAs theWorld Turns.My sister was intoDark Shadows (lol), and my fave wasGuiding Light.Once the 80s rolled around it was no longer cool for housewives to admit they watchedsoaps.But let me tell you this… my Momma was not the onlywoman who snuck into her family room to watch her show. Honey, I cant right now, Mommas soap is starting. Shed grab her cup of coffee and an orange/apple out of the fridge and head toward her favorite chair.

But the rest of the time it was her vinyl’s (records)that occupied her timewhile she cleaned and cooked.Boy, howshe loved to sing! She had a beautiful voice too. I asked herabout a decadeago why she quit singing, and she said that she couldn’t carry a tune anymore. Singingwas an areain whichI took after my Momma. I loved to sing! I understand what she means now, because I no longer can carry a tune either.

The deal is I cherish mymemories. I have such a great family, and ever since I’ve gotten ill Ifindthatone of the gifts God has blessed me with is the ability to finally remember my childhood. I hadendured somuch trauma in my 20 and 30’s that I actually went numb (emotionally)and lost many of mymemories. I was in therapy for 7 yearstrying to move on from what happened to me, and also to work on my PTSD. I’m happy to say I haven’t had problems with that in a very long time. But the only way I could live with what I went through, and the losses I endured, was to pretty much turn off mybrain; as in, I had to shut things out to survive.Whichis the case with many people who have suffered from some sort ofabuse/trauma. I asked mydoctor back thenif I’d ever get my “happy”feelings and memories back? She assured methat Iwould. When she told me this I thought she meant that I’d get them back a LOT sooner than I did. I’m just starting to remember… but that means I’m also remembering the bad too. It’s not all coming at once, but little bits and pieces of my past are popping in. Luckily, God only gives us what we can handle.

It’s weird but when I’m suffering from my most chronicpain, and bedridden is when I remember my childhood the most.Maybe it’s because I’m in so much pain that I just want to be a little girl again. I remember having all my stuffed animals surrounding me, and my Momma and Daddy tucking me in for the night and giving me hugs. I want to hear my Momma say prayers with me. I want to feel secure and loved. I should say, loved in the way you’re loved if you were blessed enough to have parents like mine. I understand not all people have happy childhoods. But that part of my life was happy and secure.

My parents are in their 80’s now, and I really don’t know how much longer the good lord will allow them to stay on this earth… I pray it’s for a MUCH longer time. But I also know that I need/want to get all these memories down before they leave me, or I forget them again.

Kids are so busy right now, that I worry that they don’t take the time to really get to know their families. Not all children, but SO many of them who live in this world of technology are so consumed. I pray that they take the time to learn about their heritage. Because these stories were meant to be handed down from one generation to the next.

I’ve lost my sisterfrom cancer…

My parents are aging…

My brother and I are ill…

Life is justtoo short… way to short.

Why does it take loss to realize how important life and loved ones are?

Love and blessings to all of you, Su

 

 

 

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