Replay…

Hey! “What on earth is this, you ask?” I’m glad you asked. It’s actually a stereo… turntable… record player, whatever you choose to call it. But this is a photo similar to the one my Momma and Daddy had in our living room back in the 70’s (I say 70s because I was born in ’68… I’m sure they had it much longer). It bubbles up so many good memories within me. 🙂

My momma always loved to listen to music (not so much anymore). Back in the day she would pick a record over a TV show anytime… unless it was her “Soaps”. For those of you don’t know what I’m talking about when I say “soaps,” let me just say that soaps were not just for washing our bodies. It was also what housewives referred to as “soap operas” 😀 which were huge during that era. Mom’s favorite was As the World Turns. My sister was into Dark Shadows (lol), and my fave was Guiding Light. Once the 80’s rolled around it was no longer “cool” for housewives to admit they watched soaps. But let me tell you this… my Momma was not the only woman who snuck into her family room to watch her show. “Honey, I can’t right now, Momma’s soap is starting.” She’d grab her cup of coffee and an orange/apple out of the “fridge” and head toward her favorite chair.

But the rest of the time it was her vinyl’s (records) that occupied her time while she cleaned and cooked. Boy, how she loved to sing! She had a beautiful voice too. I asked her about a decade ago why she quit singing, and she said that she couldn’t carry a tune anymore. Singing was an area in which I took after my Momma. I loved to sing! I understand what she means now, because I no longer can carry a tune either.

The deal is I cherish my memories. I have such a great family, and ever since I’ve gotten ill I find that one of the gifts God has blessed me with is the ability to finally remember my childhood. I had endured so much trauma in my 20 and 30’s that I actually went numb (emotionally) and lost many of my memories. I was in therapy for 7 years trying to move on from what happened to me, and also to work on my PTSD. I’m happy to say I haven’t had problems with that in a very long time. But the only way I could live with what I went through, and the losses I endured, was to pretty much turn off my brain; as in, I had to shut things out to survive. Which is the case with many people who have suffered from some sort of abuse/trauma. I asked my doctor back then if I’d ever get my “happy” feelings and memories back? She assured me that I would. When she told me this I thought she meant that I’d get them back a LOT sooner than I did. I’m just starting to remember… but that means I’m also remembering the bad too. It’s not all coming at once, but little bits and pieces of my past are popping in. Luckily, God only gives us what we can handle.

It’s weird but when I’m suffering from my most chronic pain, and bedridden is when I remember my childhood the most. Maybe it’s because I’m in so much pain that I just want to be a little girl again. I remember having all my stuffed animals surrounding me, and my Momma and Daddy tucking me in for the night and giving me hugs. I want to hear my Momma say prayers with me. I want to feel secure and loved. I should say, loved in the way you’re loved if you were blessed enough to have parents like mine. I understand not all people have happy childhoods. But that part of my life was happy and secure.

My parents are in their 80’s now, and I really don’t know how much longer the good lord will allow them to stay on this earth… I pray it’s for a MUCH longer time. But I also know that I need/want to get all these memories down before they leave me, or I forget them again.

Kids are so busy right now, that I worry that they don’t take the time to really get to know their families. Not all children, but SO many of them who live in this world of technology are so consumed. I pray that they take the time to learn about their heritage. Because these stories were meant to be handed down from one generation to the next.

I’ve lost my sister from cancer…

My parents are aging…

My brother and I are ill…

Life is just too short… way to short.

Why does it take loss to realize how important life and loved ones are?

Love and blessings to all of you, Su

 

 

 

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