I’m giggling to myself right now thinking of my high-school years and my first love. C’mon now, most of us had a first-love in high-school. Oh how I thought my heart had broken into a zillion shards the first time he and I broke up. I say the first time, because in high-school, we broke-up, and then a few weeks later we’d “get back together again”. Go ahead and give me a big ole’ eyeroll, because frankly, I’m giving myself one right now. Lol
Oh how dramatic I was back in those days. I would love to go back in time and be a fly on the wall so I could listen to my parents talk about me. They probably had quite a few laughs (lovingly of course but laughing all the same).
I’m being serious though when I say that I thought my world had come to an end. Lordy ladies (and men), don’t base your emotions on another person. You are in control of your own heart, body, likes, dislikes, thoughts, opinion’s, and such. It’s what gives you your unique identity, and what gives you your individual strengths. Learn, heal, and move on.
That being said, it was in high-school when I first heard the saying: “If you love something set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.” So I did what any dramatic teen would do. I wrote it all over my notebook, I wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it in my locker. I wrote an eleven page letter (ok, maybe not 11 pgs., but you get my drift) to my boyfriend explaining how my love was undying, and that I loved him enough to let him go. And then I went home and sobbed my brains out. Yep, it took me a long while to learn that life wasn’t all about him. And, it took me even longer to learn to love myself, instead of trying to fill that void with a boyfriend.
Now, back to reality… If it hasn’t happened to you yet, then most-likely there will come a day, when you’ll find your life partner. Yep, someday you’ll probably be walking down that isle and/or promising your love to one another forever. And here’s a tip, if you want to genuinely love this person (and in a BIG way) then I would highly recommend, that you get your ego in check. Like… you need to slam the door right in your ego’s face, and maybe as a grand gesture wave it the BIG, “BYE-BYE”! You don’t know what that is? Go to The BIG Bye-Bye!
Listen, there are many beliefs out there about the right way to love, but I’m going to share my belief with you. I believe the epitome of BIG love is putting our loved one’s personal needs above our own, without regret or resentment. It’s sacrificing, and it’s learning how to become selfless. It’s not a one-sided game, it takes two… and when THAT happens, “two become one”. Every person that’s in a relationship needs to give themelves a reality check. Because we can only control/or change ourself, therefore we need to look at ourself wide-eyed.
Doing this myself, I’ve come to realize that the times I felt myself getting aggravated with hubs, were the times when I was focused on myself and my needs instead of him and his needs. In other words, I was being selfish, instead of selfless.
BIG love equals selflessness, but it also means taking our blinders off. For instance, years ago if I had read an article similar to this blogpost, and I was upset with my boyfriend, I probably would have thought, “This is good… I’m going to print it off because he needs to read/hear this! He’s being so selfish, he needs to learn to become selfless!
But hold on, who’s talking here? That is ego talking my friends. Generally when we hear something (exp. A sermon) or we read something (exp. A magazine article) and we feel inclined to nudge our partner in church or rip out the article to show our spouse? It’s actually a red flag to ourself that we need to walk into the bathroom, turn on the light, and take a good long look at the reflection staring back at us in the mirror. Listen, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, done that, and STILL need to be mindful. We ALL do, because we’re human.
- If we don’t get our own way, and sulk? That’s our ego.
- If we constantly think about the things that aggravate us about our partner, instead of focusing on all their awesome attributes? That’s ego.
- If we’re always right, and they’re wrong? That’s ego.
- If we don’t feel like we’re getting enough attention? That’s ego.
But we slammed the door on ego, remember? We waved it the BIG BYE-BYE! We need to try to remember to step out of ourself and take inventory i.e., examine our heart. We must learn to ask ourselves, “What is my intention?” Is my need to be right, or my need to love the most important thing here? Generally, we need to take the path less taken. We need to have a mature love, which usually entails doing the exact opposite of what our ego is telling us to do. It takes discipline. But nothing worth doing is ever easy, and love is certainly worth doing. When we love in this way, we end up getting so much MORE back than we can possibly imagine.
Note: I’m definitely not saying to turn the other cheek to serious matters, i.e. Domestic abuse, addictions, deceit, cheating, habitual lying, etc. these things are NOT to be taken lightly, they need to be taken to a professional, or your Pastor. Don’t ever think these things are to be ignored. Ignoring these types of behaviors is called enabling and enabling will wreak havoc in your life.
All in all, let’s focus more on giving love, than getting love. It’s then that we reap the benefits of true love.
I hope you all have a beautiful day, God bless each and every one of you!
When I want
more of you
I’m truly in love
When I want you
to be more
I’m in love
with a dream.
Wanting you to be more
makes me (and you) miserable.
Wanting more of you
fulfills my dreams.
When I want more
I see you
in all your
I am filled
You mean so much to me.
I want more of you.
-Jane Nelsen, Ed.D